Time and Time Again
by Aoki Aya
Summary: DISCONTINUED. AU: KK After a disastrous scandal at court, Kaoru is sentenced to marry the cold, secluded lord of the North. She is escorted to her doom by a strange red-haired man who is much more than he seems…
1. Part One

AU: KK After a disastrous scandal at court, Kaoru is sentenced to marry the cold, secluded lord of the North. She is escorted to her doom by a strange red-haired man who is much more than he seems…

**Time and Time Again  
Part One**

Kaoru stood silently as the maids prepared her for the journey. She lifted her lifeless arms as they slipped a dress onto her slim frame, she let them pin her hair up into an elaborate style, and she even allowed them to remove the intricate gold chain that hung inconspicuously around her neck. She breathed in sharply as the maid unhooked the chain and slid it away from her skin. She suddenly felt more empty and lost than ever.

"Would you like me to pack it away with the rest of your things, Princess?" the maid asked her dutifully.

Kaoru opened her mouth to reply, but the calm, tired voice of her mother interrupted her. "No, Tsubame," the older woman said, taking the precious golden chain from the maid's small hands. "I will keep it in my care."

Tsubame bowed. "Yes, Your Majesty."

The queen examined the necklace. "It is quite beautiful." She gave her daughter a suspicious look. "Were you planning to take this with you?"

Kaoru rubbed her hands together guiltily, but faced the queen boldly. "It was a gift, Mother—"

"A gift that has no place in your new life," the queen said in clipped tones. "I thought that you agreed to cut all ties and never see him again?"

"Yes, Mother, I did. But—"

"There are no exceptions, Kaoru," the queen said. "Your father is already in a terrible state from your foolish actions. I am on the edge of despair as you are being sent away—Please, my dear, do not permit yourself to fall back into such a disastrous situation once more."

Kaoru winced at her mother's stern yet desperate tone. She gave a tense nod. "Yes, Mother."

The queen noticed her daughter's pained face. She touched Kaoru's cheek softly. "You made a mistake," the queen told her gently. "You are a young woman with a romantic heart—I understand. But you cannot allow that mistake to rule your life, Kaoru. This is your chance to start over."

_Yes, a chance to start over…alone. _She nodded again.

Her mother straightened up and turned to the maids. "Are all of her things packed away?"

"Yes, Your Majesty," the maids replied in chorus.

The queen shook her head approvingly. "Good. Sanosuke and the Northern envoy are waiting for you below."

Kaoru looked at her mother in surprise. "Sanosuke is accompanying me?"

"Yes," the queen said. "We can't just send you abroad with a strange man we haven't met. Your father trusts Sanosuke. He will look after you until you arrive at the Northern palace."

For the first time in days, Kaoru felt a flicker of happiness light inside of her. Sanosuke was one of her oldest childhood friends and also her cousin. In almost every way, he was her brother, her confidante, her partner-in-crime, her conscience—but where the hell was he when she made the most devastating decision of her life?

Gambling, she noted blandly. Gambling or fooling around with women. It has to be one of the two, or possibly both. There was plenty of each available at court.

The queen put a kind hand on Kaoru's back, leading her out the door. "Let's go, Kaoru. The carriage is waiting and you must greet the Northern envoy."

Kaoru suddenly felt several chills run down her back as she looked over the stone railings. The finality of her sentence came raining down on her as she saw her father standing in the entrance chamber, his usually jovial face plastered with severity, next to Sanosuke, whose trademark smile was strangely absent. The two of them were situated beside an unfamiliar redheaded man; he wore clothes not traditional to her kingdom and had two swords attached at his hip. He was shorter than her father or Sanosuke and yet his presence seemed to command the attention of the room. This must be the Northern envoy, sent to deliver her to her imminent doom. He was handsome, Kaoru noted indifferently, almost handsome as—No. This was not the right time to think about such a thing.

He was speaking quietly with Sanosuke but as Kaoru descended the steps, he tore away from his conversation and looked directly at her. Their eyes locked firmly and her breath caught in her throat. She felt, for some unknown reason, that she had felt this gaze on her before. She panicked for a brief second—did he know about her previous actions?—but then she realized that the gaze was not judgmental or appraising. It was simply…somehow familiar. Even from their distance, Kaoru could tell that his smoldering eyes were gold, burning like hot coals, as he watched her approach them, the queen only a few steps behind.

He dipped into a low bow. "Your Majesty," he said to the queen in a clear, gracious voice. He kissed the queen's extended hand.

"Welcome, my lord," the queen said courteously.

He then turned to Kaoru and bowed to her, but not before catching her eyes once more. "Princess," he said. Kaoru held out a reluctant hand and he kissed it gently. For a moment, Kaoru thought that his warm lips were lingering longer than usual—but then they were gone and she dismissed her ridiculous thought.

"Kaoru, this is Lord Kenshin," the king told her in a strained tone. Kaoru looked up and noticed the tired glaze in her father's eyes. "He is the Northern envoy sent by the king to retrieve you. He, along with Sanosuke, will accompany you to the North."

Kaoru couldn't help but arch a brow despite the situation. "The Northern king could not retrieve me himself?" she asked Kenshin.

"Kaoru!" the queen said sharply.

"There is no problem, Your Majesty," Kenshin said to the queen. He turned to Kaoru. "Princess, the king demanded that I tell you that he would have loved to bring you to the North himself, but he is off calming a political upheaval in a nearby city; he will be at the palace when you arrive in a few days time."

"The Northern king is a busy man, Kaoru," the king said.

_But as his future wife, _Kaoru thought heatedly, _doesn't he think that I should be at least one of his priorities?_

"Please do not think that you are unimportant, Princess," Kenshin said, as if reading her thoughts. "The king treasures you endlessly."

Kaoru blinked in surprise. "He…treasures me?" Spite suddenly built up in her throat and she looked at the Northern envoy with chilly blue eyes. "I find that hard to believe since the two of us have never met. Where does his adoration stem from, I wonder?"

"Kaoru! How can you say such rude things?" the queen said. "The Northern king is gracious enough to ask you to be his wife and yet you—"

"Enough," her father said sternly. He gave Kaoru a strict glance to silence her outrageous remarks. "Lord Kenshin, I apologize for my daughter's behavior. She is quite frightened of leaving her home and so…"

Kenshin shook his head. "Do not worry about it, Your Majesty."

Sanosuke looked at the king. "Your Majesty, the carriages are ready. It's probably best that we leave now, so that we may reach our first stop before nightfall."

"Oh, yes, yes," the king said. He waited until Sanosuke and Kenshin headed out the grand doors first down to the waiting horses and carriages, which carried all of Kaoru's possessions in neatly packed trunks, before he pulled his daughter aside quickly.

"Kaoru," he said sharply. "This marriage is extremely important. Do you not remember your reckless actions?"

"When do you ever let me forget, Father?" Kaoru snapped back, more fiercely than she intended. "I have repented already—please let it be forgotten already!"

"I would like to forget, Kaoru. But when you jeopardize this marriage with your spiteful and careless comments, I cannot help but think that you do not want this for yourself!"

"I don't!" Kaoru said defiantly. "I begged, I pleaded…I cried to you, Father. But you did not relent! You insisted on shipping me away to marry some foreign king—a man that I have never met!"

"This is not a punishment, Kaoru!" the king said. "It is for your own good! Once you are in the North, you will be distanced from such irresponsible influences! Why are you so indignant against this marriage?"

The words spilled out of her mouth before she could stop them. "Because I do not love him!"

The king released his hold on Kaoru's arm and sighed. "I see." He looked away, a sad shine in his eyes. "I'm sorry, Kaoru, but love is no longer essential. What is important is your future. You ruined your chances for love when you made the most thoughtless decision of your life."

Kaoru stood silent after her father's final comment. "I know that," she said quietly.

"Then," the king said, "for your mother and father's sakes and for your own sake, do not mouth off to the Northern envoy about your true feelings for the marriage."

"Yes, Father," Kaoru said.

"Good," the king said and grabbing hold of her hand, led her out the grand chamber doors towards the carriage that would take her away to become the wife of a man that she had never met. But as she walked down the marble steps, she couldn't help but think about her joyful life at court and how she got herself into this terrible mess.

_**Six months ago**_

_It was a cold and gloomy afternoon. The sun was hidden behind angry gray clouds and rain pounded down from the sky like a violent hurricane. Kaoru stared at her dull reflection in the window with bored eyes as she wished that the weather would clear up quickly so she could venture out onto the Eastern lands.  
_

_"Kaoru," Sanosuke said to her. "It's your turn."  
_

_Kaoru tore her gaze from the window sighed. She threw her cards down onto the table. "I don't want to play anymore!"  
_

_Sanosuke rolled his eyes in irritation. "It was your idea, if you could remember. You practically begged me to play with you."  
_

_"I know, I know. But I've grown bored of it. Isn't there anything else to do besides playing cards?"  
_

_"Half of court has become bed-ridden with sickness, Kaoru. Just be happy that you aren't one of them," Sanosuke advised her. "Besides, what will become of this place if Princess Kaoru, starlit of the royal court, falls ill?" He added as a sarcastic afterthought.  
_

_"Court would be terribly quiet. It could be silenced into a state of complete boredom," Kaoru said, smiling mischievously. "You, as my faithful collaborator, would have to do everything in your power to keep things lively."  
_

_"But of course," Sanosuke said with a bow of the head. Then he grinned. "My dear princess, since court lacks its vibrant feeling tonight, how should we go about to fix that?"  
Kaoru tapped a slender finger to her chin. "Well, my dear cousin, I think that it will hard to top the evening at the Sakura Estate last week."  
_

_Sanosuke burst out into laughter. "Do you remember old Lord Takahiro's face when he saw the royal princess herself climbing out of the lake, drenched to the skin in her expensive silk gown?"  
"Do you remember my mother's face when she was told that her daughter, her nephew, and their friends went swimming in the lake half-past midnight in front of hundreds of guests?" Kaoru shook her head before laughing as well. "Mother threatened to send me to live with Aunt Mikiko as punishment."  
_

_Both Sanosuke and Kaoru shuddered in fear. "At least Father was kind," Kaoru said. "'Oh, children do the most delightful things!' he said."  
"It's great that the king dotes on you so much, Kaoru. Otherwise, I don't know what state we would be in," Sanosuke noted seriously.  
_

_"That's only because Father was wild before he settled down and married Mother. He understands the feelings of wanting to be free," Kaoru told him.  
_

_"So, are you saying that once you marry, your wild spirit will be tamed?" Sanosuke asked.  
_

_Kaoru lifted her chin up indignantly. "I will only marry a man that accepts me as I am, free spirit and all. That is one of my supreme conditions."  
_

_"I think that the queen will find someone to marry you way before you find one yourself," Sanosuke said. "She's sneaky like that."  
_

_She waved her hand. "Hardly. I'd blatantly refuse. Besides, there's no way Father would actually let that happen."  
_

_"I wouldn't be too sure, beloved princess," Sanosuke said as he shuffled through the deck of cards. "Your father might relent, if it is a prosperous marriage."  
_

_"What gives you that ridiculous idea?" Kaoru asked, arching a curious brow.  
_

_He dealt out the cards between the two of them. "The Northern king has asked for your hand again."  
_

_Kaoru pulled a face. "Again?"  
_

_"When he came here last week to discuss some issues with the king, he expressed interest in taking you as his wife." Sanosuke looked at the quiet princess with a silly grin. "Every time he visits our kingdom, he always asks if you are betrothed, and if you are not, he says that he would like to take you as his own."  
_

_Kaoru picked up her cards. She knew of the Northern king; he was one of the country's royals that lived in the isolation of the mountains, maintaining his own court, militia, land and riches. Rumors portrayed him to be cold and cruel, an excellent swordsman that would kill without a second thought. He had visited the palace several times to speak with her father, but she had never seen his face—nor did she ever want to.  
_

_"Well, he's awfully persistent," she noted absently. "But I have no intention of marrying him."  
_

_"Why not?" Sanosuke inquired as he swapped cards from the deck. "You've never even met him. How can you be so sure that you could never marry him?"  
_

_"Why are you on his side?" Kaoru shot back. "You're my cousin, aren't you? How could you expect me to marry a man that I've never met, especially one with his reputation?"  
_

_"Those are just rumors, Kaoru," Sanosuke sighed.  
_

_"But he must have done things to give him that reputation, right?" She gave Sanosuke a curious gaze. "How do you know these affairs so well anyway?"  
_

_"I'm the one that entertains him when he comes to visit," Sanosuke explained. "Whatever the case, he's infatuated with you."  
_

_Kaoru rolled her eyes in exasperation. "But why?"  
_

_Sanosuke shrugged. "It beats the hell out of me." Yet his eyes told another story.  
_

_"Well, it doesn't matter," Kaoru said, drawing another card. "I have no desire to leave my home or my family. Mark my words, Sanosuke; I will never marry the Northern king." _

It all seemed so pointless now—the indignation, the refusal, the defiance. None of her past actions, wishes or desires matter anymore. Despite her will not to succumb to such a convenient and loveless marriage, here she was; being escorted away from the only life she'd known to be the wife of a man she didn't love or even remotely care about.

_You can only blame yourself, Kaoru. It's your own fault, _her conscience told her seriously. _If you hadn't done what you had done, then…_

She stopped herself before her mind continued on. She knew all of this. After all, it was the one thought playing in her head after the incident; the only thing her mother and father would tell her as she wept on the cold stone floor; the single phrase that came out of Sanosuke's mouth as he attempted to console her.

Suddenly, Kaoru was thrown forward and the carriage shook slightly before stopping. Curious, she pushed aside the curtains and gazed out the window. It was still midday. They had only been traveling for a few hours now, still quite some distance away from reaching their destination of the Northern palace. She watched as several of men dismounted their horses and gathered to inspect something at the head of the carriage.

"Sanosuke!" she called to her cousin. The dark-haired man looked up and she waved him over. As he approached her, she asked, "What's going on? Why did we stop?"

He scratched the back of his head. "It looks like one of the wheels broke. We'll be delayed for an hour or two."

Kaoru leaned back against her seat. "I see."

Sanosuke cocked a brow at her. "That's it? I thought I would get some more complaining out of you from such a wait, especially since we're out in the middle of nowhere." He extended his arm to indicate the vast green pasture that surrounded them. "You're not the type to sit still for long."

"I actually don't mind the wait this time," Kaoru told him, pulling out her fan and blowing some cool air towards her face. "Anything to postpone my impending doom." She gave Sanosuke a hopeful stare. "You don't think this could be a sign—You know, that I'm actually _not _supposed to marry the Northern king?"

Sanosuke shook his head. "Sorry, Princess. But there's no way to stop this marriage. It's going to happen. You should just accept it."

"That's the whole problem, Sanosuke! I can't—I know that I should, that I should be grateful that he even wants me after what I did, but I can't accept it."

"You can't or won't? Because I think that it's the second. You won't accept the fact that you are marrying—"

"Some horrible, isolated king that I've never seen, let alone even met? Please, Sanosuke. It's not that easy to accept such a thing," she said, burying her face in her hands. "My entire life I've lived in the dream that I would marry the man that I love—but look at me now. I'm being shipped off to marry the monster of the North."

"Kaoru," Sanosuke said in a warning tone. "Refrain from saying such idiotic things. We're in the company of the Northern envoy and his companions. You know that they can relay everything that you say back to the king."

Kaoru shrugged. "It's not like I care. Who knows? Maybe he'll decide that he doesn't want me as a wife anymore."

Sanosuke burst out laughing. "Don't be stupid Kaoru. Do you think that after pining for you for so many years, the Northern king is going to just give you up?" He shook his head. "Anyway, you have to marry him. It's the only way to salvage the rest of your honor, isn't it?"

She glared at her cousin spitefully. "I'm aware of it. But it was Father and Mother's idea to send me away. I would have rather remained unmarried so long as I could stay at home. An unmarried princess, however, it not something my parents would like to see living in their castle."

"Oi, Sagara!" one of the nearby men called out. "Stop flirting with the princess and come over here and help."

"Yeah, yeah," Sanosuke said, turning away, but looking back when he heard Kaoru stepping down from the carriage. "What are you doing?" he asked her.

"I'm going on a walk," she told him flatly. "I'm not just going to stay in the carriage while we wait for it to be fixed. I'll become bored out of my mind."

"And there it is," Sanosuke sighed. "All right; but don't stray too far."

"Why thank you, sir," Kaoru said sarcastically, giving him a mocking curtsey. She reached back inside the carriage and grabbed her novel, the one she planned to read along the journey, before turning around, expecting to sit out in the flower fields and read under the warm spring sun, but collided with a person instead.

"Oh, forgive me, Princess," a male voice said.

Kaoru looked up to see that she was standing in the arms of the Northern envoy, Lord Kenshin. He was staring down at her with the same smoldering golden eyes and that familiar gaze. She stepped back and shook her head.

"It is my fault, Lord Kenshin," she said. "I wasn't paying attention to which way I was heading."

He looked around. "Which way are you headed, Princess, if I may ask?" Kenshin said, tilting his head to the side in curiosity.

Kaoru looked out over the field and saw a tree standing in center of the grassland. It was large and entirely green with branches and leaves hanging out every which way. She pointed at that particular tree.

"I am headed over there, my lord. To settle under the shade and read my book while I wait for the carriage to be fixed," she told him.

"I do apologize for the delay, Princess," Kenshin said. "We'll have the carriage repaired quickly so that we can continue our journey."

"I don't mind the wait," Kaoru replied. "Actually, I welcome it."

"Do you?" Kenshin said, surprised. "Sanosuke told me that you are not a very patient lady."

"Well, usually, that is true. However, in this situation, an interruption puts me at ease," she said. She flashed him a smile before walking out towards the field.

"Princess, are you unhappy?" Kenshin said suddenly, causing her to stop and look over her shoulder.

She trotted back to the Northern envoy. "What gives you that idea, my lord?"

"The king has told me that you are a very lively and cheerful young woman. Yet, I can't help but think that you don't seem quite like…yourself today."

"You're very observant, Lord Kenshin," Kaoru said, clutching her book to her chest. "But I am not unhappy. Rather, I am resigned to my fate. It's strange how easily the two coincide, isn't it?"

"What fate have you resigned to, Princess?" Kenshin inquired.

"I've resigned to a fate that I did not imagine for myself," she answered honestly. She smiled when she saw the Northerner's confused expression. "It's hard to explain."

"Please, Princess. Explain yourself. I would love to hear about it. On the behalf on the king, of course," he added quickly.

"For the king, of course," Kaoru agreed. "But perhaps another time, my lord."

He bowed. "Another time then, Princess."

Kaoru turned and headed towards her reading destination once more, but not before a lingering question blew back into her mind. She spun around and called out to Kenshin.

He looked around at her. "Yes, Princess?"

"Before you said that the Northern king told you things about me." She bit down on her bottom lip nervously. "Does he talk about me often?" A soft blush crossed her cheeks as she realized how foolish she must be sounding right now.

"No, Princess, not often," Kenshin replied.

The blush deepened. Now she truly must look arrogant and stupid. She simply assumed that because the king wanted her after all this time that he would speak of her—

"Incessantly," Kenshin said, causing Kaoru to look at the redheaded man in surprise. "He talks about you incessantly." He smiled before bowing and walking away, leaving Kaoru standing there in a whirlwind of mixed thoughts.

**Author's Note: **Um. Yeah. New story! It will actually be a short 3 or 4 chapter series that I will be working on as I see fit. If you see parallels between _This Heart of Mine _and this story, it's because this was actually my rough draft for that story before I changed it all to become my real THOM story. This story is now entirely different from THOM so reading this won't spoil it at all!

And about THOM and UTSM… Yeah, I'm lacking inspiration, and that's why I rewrote/created this story. Don't worry though, I'm not giving up on either of those stories! They WILL be updated… I just don't know _when_.

Thanks for reading! Please leave a review telling me whether or not I should continue this story! No response means no continuation.

-Aya


	2. Part Two

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Rurouni Kenshin. **  
**

**Time and Time Again **

**Part Two**

Kaoru had always been Sanosuke's responsibility. Ever since they were children, he had been assigned the duty of watching over her. When he was four-years-old the queen had finally given birth to a long awaited child—a princess. The kingdom rejoiced at the news of a royal child and a large celebration was held in the infant's honor. The king and queen doted on her unlike anything else, but it was to be expected. She was the child that they had been waiting to have for years.

He remembered one evening when he was called in to see the queen. He stood in front of a small wooden cradle. He peered over the edge and saw a little baby sleeping soundly beneath the white silk blankets.

The queen leaned down and whispered in his ear, "Sanosuke, this is the Princess Kaoru." She gently touched the cheek of her daughter. "She is your cousin. I would like you to look after her. Can you do that for me?"

The young Sanosuke looked up at the queen with a confused expression. This was the royal princess; surely she would have dozens of guards, maids, and servants taking care of her. Why did he have to as well?

"Why?" he asked.

The queen laughed. "That's a good question, my dear. But I think that this daughter of mine is going to quite a handful. Will you be her good friend and watch over her?"

Sanosuke titled his head to side and gazed at the child. Well, why not? "Okay."

The queen smiled and kissed her nephew's cheek. "Thank you."

And for the next seventeen years, Sanosuke kept his promise. Through thick and thin, through idiocy and cleverness, and through fun and boredom, Sanosuke looked after the most privileged, spoiled, yet heartwarming girl in the entire kingdom. He didn't always do his job _well_, seeing as he usually was Kaoru's co-conspirator in the troublemaking schemes that took place at court, but he did it nonetheless.

He practically taught her everything she knew on how to plan the perfect scheme, but he made sure that she didn't do anything too stupid or too rash. If that happened, it would not only cause trouble for Kaoru, but also for himself. He had to make sure that she was safe at all times. He had been by her side ever since she was born, watching over her like an protective older brother, formulating devilish plans with her like a faithful collaborator, giving her a healthy scolding when she got too reckless…

So, how the _fuck _did she manage to make the dumbest decision of her life without him knowing about it, until it was all too late? Why didn't she tell him about her plans, especially since he was virtually her best friend and brother in almost every way?

_Because she knew that I would disapprove and try to stop her,_ Sanosuke thought angrily. _But there were signs that this was going to happen_. _There were signs everywhere! The secrecy, sneaking out late at night, the opportunity…I just couldn't see them for what they were…_

Even though he had devoted so much time and effort into her upbringing and becoming the closest person to her, it didn't make a difference. He couldn't help but feel a bit responsible… Kaoru's judgment had never been perfect, but he thought that she had enough sense not to get into a relationship with a…

_And I had two fucking chances to set it right, but she wouldn't listen to me. But when the hell does Kaoru ever listen to me anyway? _

Sanosuke shook his head. What a mess this had all become. He was shipping his favorite cousin off to marry the Northern king, despite knowing that it will probably kill her. But the decision was made in her best interests, regardless of her protests and adamant disagreement. Sanosuke knew the Northern king was hopelessly infatuated with her. And Sanosuke truly thought that the king would be good for her. He could give her stability and safety from attempting something stupid again, although Kaoru did have a mind of her own—that was how she got into this dreadful situation in the first place, anyway…

But if she didn't get over the initial hate, shock and rejection of this marriage and try to get something good out of it, God knows what would happen to her…

"Sanosuke," Kenshin said, suddenly appearing at his side. "We're ready to leave."

Sanosuke shook himself out of his reverie. "Oh. Yeah." He looked around quickly. "Where's Kaoru?"

"She's settled into the carriage," Kenshin said. He gave a sidelong glance at the taller man. "She looked upset when I told her that we were heading out again."

Sanosuke shrugged. "I'm sure she's just miffed that she had to wait around and now she has to sit in the carriage for a couple more hours until we reach the estate for the night."

Kenshin still appeared suspicious. "Are you sure that's all it is? Because—"

"I know that you want her to be happy," Sanosuke said, cutting him off. "But Kaoru's just left her family, friends and home behind. Don't you think she allowed to feel a little lonely and distressed about it?" _Never mind the fact that she's going to marry a man that she doesn't love,_ Sanosuke added silently.

"So, she finally relents to marriage with the Northern king but she looks as though she's about to kill herself." Kenshin turned away. "That's a comforting notion."

"Well, at least you don't have to live with the guilt of it all," Sanosuke mumbled. "Kaoru's practically drowning in it…"

With that said, he couldn't help but recall his conversation with Kaoru after the incident. Lonely, distraught, guilt-ridden, she was confined to her bed chambers on the king's orders and her own self-loathing.

"What was that you said?" Kenshin asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Nothing," Sanosuke said quickly. He didn't want the events prior to the engagement to reach the king's ears. He had to tread cautiously, and even though Kenshin was his friend, Kaoru was his priority at the moment. What if Kenshin opened his mouth and then the marriage was called off? He didn't even want to think about that. "Let's go then. We'll want to reach the estate before nightfall."

"Yes, then let's head off," Kenshin said and the two of them parted ways, walking away to mount their horses.

_Two more days of traveling,_ Sanosuke thought somewhat dejectedly. _And two more days of making sure that no one finds out the truth… _

There were so many parts to the truth. And the truth was, as frustrating and terrible as the concept was to think about, Sanosuke could have stopped it before it became such a disaster.

_**Four months ago **_

_It was a well-known fact at the Kamiya castle that the princess Kaoru had numerous suitors. Lords, dukes, and foreign princes all seemed to vie for her hand and the queen found no problem in setting her daughter up with any of these fine men.  
_

_But Kaoru rejected them all.  
_

_"I don't love him," she would tell her mother indignantly after every date. "So I won't marry him."  
_

_The queen refused to listen, however. She continually searched for potential husbands and threw countless parties in order to prolong the hunt. She was determined to find her daughter a suitable man, especially since Kaoru had a habit of falling in love quite often. These "affairs of convenience" as Sanosuke so kindly described it, were brief and impulsive. _

_The princess was a full-hearted romantic and rather naïve; at the right time and place, with a man as handsome and kind as a fairy-tale prince, Kaoru tended to "fall in love". In other words, she tended to be swept up by the intrigue and passion of the moment, but then she grew bored and ended the courtship after about a week.  
_

_This was the reason why the queen wanted to find a husband for her daughter as soon as possible. Kaoru's unconventional practice would get her into trouble in the future and the queen knew it. A husband was the perfect solution to prevent such a horrible situation.  
_

_"Why don't you just marry one of the fools?" Sanosuke suggested as the two of them sat comfortably in the library, hiding from the queen's most recent attempt at finding Kaoru a husband. "And then the queen would get off your back."  
_

_"What in the world are you going on about?" Kaoru exclaimed. "How could you even imagine shipping your favorite cousin—"  
_

_"My only cousin," Sanosuke corrected.  
_

_"—off to marry some appalling man that I don't even know?" Kaoru finished.  
_

_"What I meant is that you could meet with one, you know. Sit down with him, talk with him, and then, maybe…"  
_

_Kaoru raised an eyebrow. "And since when did you become an all-knowing master of love?" She nudged her cousin playfully. "This wouldn't be stemming from your recent affair with Lady Megumi, would it?"  
_

_"Oh, shut up," Sanosuke said quickly.  
_

_The princess beamed brightly. "I think that the two of you look quite good together…"  
_

_He glared at her. "That's not any of your business, my dear princess."  
_

_"Fine." She shrugged and looked away. She pulled out her fan and blew air at her face. "You can have your secrets and I'll have mine."  
_

_Sanosuke turned towards her instantly. He was interested in this new development. "Oi, what secrets are you keeping from me?"  
_

_"I'm not telling you anything," she said, still a bit miffed.  
_

_"Come on, Kaoru," Sanosuke said with a smile. "I'm your favorite cousin—"  
_

_"My only cousin," she shot back at him.  
_

_"Yeah, your only cousin, but we're practically inseparable," Sanosuke said. "So, that means you're lying. I would know if you were hiding something from me."  
_

_"That's not true!" Kaoru said hotly. "I know for a fact that I'm quite good at lying. How do you think I keep all of our secrets hidden from Mother and Father?"  
_

_Sanosuke waved the idea aside. "Hardly. You're like an open book—You can't hide your emotions. The king just doesn't want to believe that his precious Kaoru is lying and the queen is always suspicious…You can't fool anyone."  
_

_"Oh, and you're absolutely perfect at it, are you?" Kaoru said, annoyed.  
_

_Sanosuke grinned. "I am its natural king."  
_

_She rolled her eyes. "So Mother and Father and everyone else can't see that you're tricking them half of the time?"  
_

_"Of course they can't," he replied, leaning back against his cozy chair. "Why else would the queen continually let me look after you, even though I always let you slip away? Why does the king trust me enough to accompany the Northern king, who by the way, will be visiting again in a few short weeks."  
_

_"Now you shut up," Kaoru snapped at her smirking cousin. "Fine, you're an expert and I'm not. But I'm still not telling you anything."  
_

_"Kaoru, don't you trust me?" Sanosuke said.  
_

_"Not one bit! How do I know that you won't go and run your mouth off to Mother?" Kaoru said.  
_

_Sanosuke looked wounded. "Now when have I ever betrayed you?" he said. "Come on, tell me."  
_

_She gazed at him out of the corner of her eye for a few moments before snapping her fan shut and turning to him. She suddenly smiled brightly, as if she'd known all along that _

_she would cave and tell him her secret. Sanosuke immediately had a feeling that she had been waiting to spill this out to him earlier.  
_

_"I...met someone," she said, opening her fan and hiding her embarrassed face behind it.  
_

_All the air in Sanosuke's lungs left him. Here he was, excited at the prospect of getting in on Kaoru's newest trouble-making scheme or something of the sort, but instead was being informed on her newest "affair of convenience". Ah, such a letdown.  
_

_"When?" Sanosuke asked in a bored tone, not totally invested in her answer.  
_

_"Do you remember last week, when I was sent to Aunt Mikiko's estate for a couple of days?"  
_

_"Yeah, it was punishment for almost setting Lady Saya's hair on fire," Sanosuke said, recalling the incident.  
_

_"Yes, that one—But you know, the whole thing was totally unfair. I mean, it was an accident, and yet Mother was adamant…"  
_

_"Whatever," Sanosuke cut in hastily. "The point of the story?"  
_

_"Well, when I was there, I was completely bored out of my mind. All Aunt Mikiko wanted me to do was read her these repulsive books over and over again. Anyway," she continued on, noticing her cousin's impatient glare. "One of Aunt Mikiko's old friends was coming to visit and the old bat told me that I had to be present when they arrived."  
_

_"Aunt Mikiko is completely hung up on formalities," Sanosuke sighed.  
_

_"Exactly," Kaoru said. "But this time it had a wonderful outcome—Because I met him. Sanosuke, he was—"  
_

_"Let me guess: Handsome and dashing, kind and generous, good-hearted and regal…Everything that you could ever want in a lover," Sanosuke said, resisting the urge to vomit.  
_

_Kaoru looked surprised. "How did you know all of that?"  
_

_"Oh, give me a break Kaoru," Sanosuke said loudly. "That's how you describe all of the men that you fall for."  
_

_"You make it sound like it happens very often," she said.  
_

_Sanosuke gave her a look.  
_

_"Fine, yes it does. But this one is different, Sanosuke, I can feel it. He's not like the others, I know it."  
_

_"You mean, he's not some handsome and princely man that you met at an opportune moment when you were bored and hoping for a bit of intrigue, and won't dump in the next few days, just like you've done before?" Sanosuke asked her directly.  
_

_Kaoru glared at her cousin for his unmasked and harsh criticism. "That's awfully rude, you know. I don't criticize you and your frivolous relationships with women."  
_

_"But I'm not the royal princess," he told her.  
_

_"Dear God, I hope not," she exclaimed in mock horror. "Can you imagine the state of the kingdom if they realized that their beloved princess was actually a man—"  
_

_"Kaoru, I'm being serious," he said. "Don't you think you should reconsider your behavior at court, even just a little bit? You act like life is a game and that there aren't any consequences!"  
_

_"I can't believe this!" Kaoru said, throwing her hands up in the air. "Do you really have any right to lecture me on games on consequences? You're exactly the same!"  
_

_"All right then," he said. "If you aren't anything like I say, then why don't you go and tell the queen about your new romance."  
_

_Kaoru recoiled instantly. "No way! Telling Mother will just ruin everything! The moment I tell her she'll start planning the wedding and everything, I know it."  
_

_"See, this is what I'm talking about." Sanosuke sighed. "You want to play the game of love and romance, but you have no desire for the consequences that usually come along with it—marriage or the scandal…"  
_

_"What scandal?" she said angrily. "A man is courting me—there's nothing scandalous about that."  
_

_"There is if he isn't up to standards for a princess," Sanosuke said. He stared her down, ready to demand specific answers. If he didn't take care of this, it may become a problem in the future. "Who is he? What is his title? Does he live at court?"  
_

_Kaoru stood abruptly. "I'm not telling you anything, especially since you're in such a foul mood." She marched over to the door, threw it open, and walked out, leaving Sanosuke sitting alone in the library.  
_

_Fine, she wouldn't give him any answers. He could just dig around and find it out for himself. Anyway, since it was an "affair of convenience", he doubted that the whirlwind passion would last for more than a week.  
_

_Yeah, that's right. Kaoru would grow bored and restless, and the romance would be over in the blink of an eye. There was absolutely nothing to worry about it. Absolutely nothing. _

Kaoru should have listened to Sanosuke the first time. Although he wasn't exactly the smartest when it came to personal decisions, he knew her better than anyone else and could probably sense that she was going be involved in the direct line of a scandal. But _she _should have realized her own fault with men—she was too trusting and too fickle. Even if she was going off to marry someone she didn't know, the king obviously loved her, but would he come to hate her when he saw her shortcomings and inconsistent feelings?

It had been two hours since they had settled into one of the Northern king's luxurious estates. As soon as they had arrived, Kaoru secluded herself to her rooms and laid out on her bed, reflecting on the terrible choices she had made in her short life. Lately, it felt that was all she was doing—immersing herself into a sea of self-loathing and dread of her upcoming nuptials. She fought back against the desire to climb out her window and run away back to her home. Especially since this estate sat close to the border between Northern territory and the Kamiya lands.

She briefly wondered if her mother and father would even take her back. They were so disappointed with her after that night. Could she actually do it all over again by returning home or should she just remain here and face her fate, at the cost of her happiness?

She knew what the right answer was, but she couldn't bear to face the results of such a thing. What she could face however, was her undeniable hunger. She felt her stomach growl impatiently from the lack of food. With a sigh, she lifted herself off the bed and headed over to the door and opened it.

The corridor was empty and quiet as she stepped out but she could laughter emanating from below. Kenshin had told her that the entire eastern end of the estate was her established rooms, ordered by the Northern king. She felt slightly irritated at such a generous command; why would he want to seclude her from everything and everyone? She had been lonely enough after the incident and the arranged marriage…

"Ah, so this is the princess!" a gentle female voice rang out, interrupting Kaoru's thoughts.

Kaoru looked around quickly before spotting a tall woman standing only a few feet away. She wore a kind smile on her face and was dressed in simpler clothes than Kaoru was wearing. Kaoru returned the smile and said, "Hello," in a somewhat confused tone.

The woman bowed deeply. "Princess Kaoru, it is an honor to meet you. My name is Tae. I am the caretaker of this estate."

"I see," Kaoru said. "Thank you so much for letting us stay here."

"Not at all! I'm happy for the company!" she said. "After all, the only time anyone ever stops by is when the king is either heading back from or towards the Kamiya kingdom!"

At the mention of her beloved home, Kaoru felt a tinge of nostalgia. How she missed her lazy yet enjoyable days, causing mischief with Sanosuke, lying out under the sun next to the lake and sipping raspberry tea in the warm spring garden. She missed the warm embraces of her father and even the countless reprimands from her mother.

"I feel like I know you already, Princess," Tae continued on. "The king always returns from the Kamiya lands with the most delightful stories of you."

Kenshin's words from their earlier encounter drifted back into Kaoru's mind. She briefly wondered where such stories came from, especially when she had never once seen or talked to the king in her entire life.

"How endearing," she said in a flat tone. "I wish that I could say the same, but I do not know the king personally."

Tae looked at the princess sadly. "I'm sure that this is a quite unconventional situation, Princess, but I assure you that the king thinks you to be—"

Tae was interrupted when a loud growling emanated from Kaoru's stomach. Kaoru blushed in alarm, but Tae laughed in amusement.

"Of course! You must be starving, especially after such a long journey," Tae said, leading Kaoru down a flight of stairs towards the grand foyer. "Come along, let's get you something to eat."

"Thank you," Kaoru replied gratefully.

Kaoru followed Tae down the grand staircase, half-listening to the cheerful chatter from the older woman. Kaoru took the time to examine to full beauty of the estate—large and majestic, its open rooms and pastel colors reminded her of home. Her heart pinched painfully at the thought. But as they turned off onto another corridor, something in an empty room caught Kaoru's gaze and she veered off.

"And you know, the king, he—Princess?" Tae said, noticing that her young companion was gone. "Princess?"

"I'm in here, Tae!" Kaoru called out from the room. She stood next to a beautiful, polished black grand piano. By far, this large musical instrument reminded her of home the most. In her small set of ladylike skills, one of Kaoru's most exceptional abilities was her talent on the piano.

"Oh, so you've found the piano," Tae said. "The king says you play beautifully."

"Really?" Kaoru said, although she lacked the tone of surprise. She was getting used to the fact that the king knew much about her. "I've been playing for years, but I hadn't done so in the past few months…"

_Because you were too caught up in a hopeless romance that got you into this situation in the first place,_ her conscience chastised her gently.

Kaoru sat down on the wooden bench and lifted up the lid, revealing the dusty black and white keys. She blew on them so that dust dispersed into the air and Kaoru coughed lightly. She played a few keys, noting that it was slightly out-of-tune due to lack of use.

"Is that so? Well, you should brush up on your skills and then you and the king should perform a duet."

Kaoru was surprised at this. "The king plays?"

Tae nodded. "Oh, yes. Ever since he was a little boy."

"That is…unexpected," Kaoru said. She couldn't even imagine the king of the North being an avid piano player. From the rumors about his brash and bloody personality did not suit her beloved piano.

"The king is actually a very kind man, Princess," Tae said softly, as though she could read her thoughts.

Kaoru remained silent. _Yes, and so? It doesn't mean I'll love him. _

"Well, then! Since you seem so comfortable, how about I bring your food in here? Yes. Let's do that!" She left the room without waiting for Kaoru's answer.

She shook her head after Tae before pulling out the bench and taking a seat. She stretched her fingers over the keys, running her tips along the smooth surface. And then she started playing. The music simply flowed from her. It was a soft and gentle tune, the first piece that she'd ever learned for the piano. The memories that came to mind with this song almost brought tears to her eyes—it was still so rich with feeling and nostalgia.

She continued playing until she hit the last note, which rang hauntingly in the still air. She breathed out—and then she heard a soft applause come from behind, startling her. She whipped around to see Kenshin standing in the doorway. His eyes were lit with tender admiration.

"You play wonderfully," he noted kindly.

"Thank you—I'm a bit of practice. It's the first time that I've touched the piano in months," she told him. She smiled gently. "I've forgotten how much I've missed it."

"Your father has told the king that you used to play almost every day," he said. "What has changed since then?"

_I foolishly loved another man._ "I was…busy," she answered vaguely. Then she looked at the lord with a cheeky grin. "Someone has to keep the mischief at court going smoothly."

Kenshin stared at her before smiling. "So the rumors are true. The biggest troublemaker in the Kamiya kingdom is the princess herself."

"But of course!" she said, acknowledging her own silly schemes. "I cannot only rely on Sano."

"Sanosuke is involved as well?" Kenshin said, arching at brow.

Kaoru nodded gravely. "Oh yes. He's my partner-in-crime. The stunts that the two of us could pull off—Mother would be so angry but Father would just laugh and laugh…"

Her heart tightened. The fact that her father hadn't smiled at her before she left for the North caused her to hurt painfully.

_Father, do you even love me anymore? _Kaoru thought in agony. _Do you hate me? Is that why you are abandoning me, sending me off to marry the Northern king? _

"Princess?" Kenshin said softly, now standing beside her. He was looking down at her curiously. "Are you all right?"

No, she wasn't. But she gave him a strained smile. "I'm fine. I was just thinking."

"I've never heard the piece that you were playing," Kenshin said. "What is it?"

"It's an old Eastern lullaby. My mother used to sing it to me when I was younger," Kaoru said.

"What were the words?" Kenshin asked.

Kaoru shrugged. "I can't remember. It was quite a long time ago…"

But that was a lie. After her incident, she was isolated to her rooms in despair and regret. Her father was so furious for the first several days that he couldn't even face her—a fact which broke her heart more times than when she was separated from the man she supposedly loved. She cried into her pillows, wishing for some sort of salvation as she sank deeper and deeper into loneliness.

And then, like an angel, she felt the gentle touch of a mother on her head. The queen finally came to see her, and cradled her brokenhearted daughter in her arms while singing that same old beautiful lullaby.

For the rest of the night, Kaoru sobbed loudly and endlessly. Her mother held her tenderly, saying nothing, only singing. It was the best comfort anyone could have given her at that moment.

_Mother,_ Kaoru's heart clenched, _I miss you. _

She was shaken from her reverie from the sound of the piano. Looking over, she saw Kenshin's fingers moving along the keys, releasing a very sweet melody.

"Lord Kenshin, you play the piano?" she exclaimed.

He stopped playing and smiled. "Yes. Although, not quite as well as you."

"I beg to differ," Kaoru said. "It was very beautiful."

Kenshin said nothing, but continued to smile. Then he lifted his hands and started playing another tune, one that rang instantly in Kaoru's memory. She looked at him in surprise and delight as she too placed her fingers on the keys.

Together, they played, their hands dancing skillfully and effortlessly across the piano. Kaoru could feel his heat as his body shifted closer hers after each note. She felt a spark when he grazed lightly against her shoulder, and

At the same time, they finished by hitting the final note. She turned to exclaim her surprise at knowing one of her most favorite pieces—but stopped short when she realized he was staring at her. It was the same look that she had seen in the grand foyer before they land left; that hot, smoldering gaze that was hauntingly familiar. His golden eyes pierced her through his red bangs and she felt her heart skip a beat as she recognized his handsomeness once more.

His silky hair fell unevenly across his forehead, the red shining against the bright gold of his eyes and his skin. There was something almost…elegant about him, despite his natural powerful aura. It was as if he was the sun, burning endlessly.

_Good God, he's beautiful_, she thought helplessly, unable to free herself from his molten stare.

It took her a few minutes to find her voice again. When it emerged, it came out slightly breathless.

"This…is one of my most favorite pieces," she said softly.

"I know," Kenshin replied.

"How do you—?" But then she realized, and resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Of course, you must have heard from the king."

"I did."

"Because the king tells you," she said, bitterness rising in her tone. "Because the king knows so much about me."

"…He does." Kenshin gave her a sideways glance. "But you seem unhappy at such a fact."

She sighed. "It doesn't really make me unhappy," she admitted. "I suppose I should feel flattered. But…more than anything, his knowledge of me makes me feel almost naked."

Kenshin arched a brow at her. "I'm not quite sure I understand."

"I feel…exposed and vulnerable," she said honestly. "It's like he knows my weaknesses and my secrets. But I know nothing about him."

She felt herself getting frustrated.

"So I'm bothered by it," she continued on. "He knows so much about me, my life, my personal likes—and yet, I know so little! I am going to marry this man! But what are his hobbies, his favorite foods, books, music…I have absolutely no clue whatsoever—"

"His favorite color is blue," Kenshin said suddenly, interrupting the princess's rant. She looked over at him.

"Pardon?"

"The king's favorite color is blue," Kenshin repeated. "His entire life, the king had always favored red. But then, one day, he returned to the North and ordered that the gardens be filled with bushels of blue flowers. It caused quite a commotion at the palace."

"He seems to be…quite impulsive," Kaoru noted.

"Now the palace is bright with blue flowers," he said. "When the king was asked why he had done such a thing, he simply replied that the color blue reminded him a good memory."

"A good memory?" Kaoru said slowly. "What would that be?"

Kenshin gave her a gentle smile. "Perhaps you should ask another person. It's slightly embarrassing to reveal."

She pouted. "But now you've made me curious!"

"I apologize for that, Princess. But I just can't say it out loud…" Kenshin said as Tae walked through the door.

"Princess! I've brought a tray for you…" she chirped happily, but stopped when she saw the two of them. "Princess! Your—Lord Kenshin!" She quickly dipped into a bow. "I beg your pardon, I didn't know you were here."

Kenshin shook his head. "It's no problem, Tae. I was just about to leave anyway." He headed towards the door and bowed to Kaoru. "Until later, Princess," he said with a smile and then walked away.

Tae stared after the lord for a few seconds before looking over at Kaoru. She set the tray down on a small table. "I see you've gotten to know Lord Kenshin."

Kaoru nodded as she took a cup of hot tea. "Yes."

The older woman gave Kaoru a hesitant look. "What do you…think of him?"

"Of Lord Kenshin?" Kaoru said. "Well…He's very kind and gracious. He seems to know a lot about me from the king. Are the two of them good friends?"

Tae smiled slightly. "Oh, yes. They know each other very well."

She took a small sip. "Lord Kenshin plays the piano too. He even knew my favorite song. We played it together…It's been ages since I've done a duet!"

Tae's smile widened. "That's wonderful, Princess."

"I forgot how nice it feels to play," Kaoru said contentedly, switching her gaze towards the window. She noticed the flowers in the vase on the windowsill and reminded Kenshin's story.

"Tae…"

"Yes, Princess?"

"What is the king's reason behind the blue flowers?" she asked softly.

Tae laughed as she buttered a piece of toast. "Well, it's a quite a sweet story."

"Oh, please tell me!" Kaoru said excitedly. "Lord Kenshin refused to, even after he was the one that told me that the king's favorite color is blue."

"I suppose it would have been strange for him to reveal it," Tae said quietly to herself. Then she straightened and gazed at Kaoru kindly. "All right then…When I asked the king why he had ordered such an impulsive thing, he said that blue reminded him of someone."

Kaoru tilted her head to the side. "Someone?"

Tae gave the princess a playful look. "Not just anyone—a woman."

Kaoru's eyes widened dramatically. "He did it all for a _woman_?"

"Oh yes. He didn't say anything else, but rumor has it that the blue reminded him of her eyes. Her eyes are supposedly a beautiful shade of blue and he was mesmerized by them. And since he could not see them every day, he planted the flowers so that he could be reminded of her."

"I didn't know the king was such a romantic," Kaoru said, surprised since she was one herself. So the king had loved some beautiful blue-eyed woman previously to the point of planting countless blue flowers to keep her in his memory.

Well, if he loved and desired her so much, why didn't he just marry her instead and not Kaoru?

She sighed as she shook her head. "I wonder who this blue-eyed woman is…" she said, reaching out to grab a scone from the tray, but not before catching a glimpse of herself in the small mirror that hung on the wall. She felt her heart skip a beat as she noted how her reflection eerily correlated with the king's blue flower story.

"Tae." Kaoru's voice was just above a whisper. "When did the king plant those blue flowers?"

"Oh, it must have been about three years ago," Tae said, beaming. She turned towards the princess, the older woman's brown eyes meeting Kaoru's bright and startled blue ones. "Around the first time that he visited the Kamiya lands."

**Author's Note: **Does the ending make sense? I hope so!  
Updates with this story will be sporadic, since I am returning to college in a week. Hope you all liked this chapter! Please, please review so I know whether or not to continue with this story!  
Also, please check out my other recently updated story, _This Heart of Mine_!

-Aya


	3. Author's Note & Incomplete Chapter

**Authors Note:**

Hello dear readers!

I'm really sorry to do this and put up your hopes for another chapter, but I have honestly lost interest in this story. I've been trying for a while now to write in it, but it has been TWO YEARS and nothing seems to come to mind anymore. My inspiration seems to have faded away, and I feel it's just terrible of me to maybe-sort of-possibly update at _some random point _in the future.

So I am going to discontinue this story. I'm so sorry to all the faithful readers that have asked about the progress of this story and hoped that it would keep going… But I think that it's better just to close it off rather than keep anyone's hopes up.

_However! _

I do have a draft of the upcoming chapter that I ended up stopped writing in the middle of. I'll post it here, though that's all I have left. I hope you enjoy it, even if it is incomplete.

**Time and Time Again  
Part 2 (Incomplete)**

So the king was in love with her. Kaoru had been told it over and over again by Sanosuke for the past several years, but the realization that _she _was the woman behind the blue flower story…In that moment, it really sent the message straight through to her heart. In her mind, the king's fixation to marry her had always resided in her mind as a sort of empty, lustful arrangement that she had no desire to take part of. But to her surprise, it actually seemed to be a kind, pure love that spanned three years. She had always praised herself on being a romantic, but truly…She was the one that couldn't stay in love long enough to build anything substantial and changed suitors as quickly as she changed clothes. And here was the Northern king, whom she'd always deemed unworthy to be her husband, loving her as tirelessly as any girl could hope.

But the recognition of his love prompted forward the most important question: _Why_?

She had never met the king before. Her first time would probably be when she arrived in the Northern kingdom. She'd only heard the rumors that circulated around court and the stories that Sanosuke had told her. And since she'd never met him, how could he know anything about her, especially enough to be in love with her and want to marry her? This idea had always confused her.

In an attempt to understand why the king valued her so much, a long and harsh self-evaluation settled down upon her. Did she really have any traits that made her so desirable? As she thought hard about it, it only brought out her flaws. She was a selfish, fickle, and impulsive girl. She continuously troubled her father, mother and Sanosuke and put significant stress on their lives. She was madly in love in one moment, and grew bored and tired of it in the next. She had always declared to be a free-spirit, but in actuality, was entirely dependent on others. She lived her life without thinking of the consequences.  
Exactly, _which_ of these characteristics were attractive?

Kaoru was at a loss. In her opinion, she didn't even seem worth loving. She was just a self-centered child. What value did the king find in her? Even after she'd shamed her parents to the point of needing to send her away?

"Kaoru? Oi, _Kaoru_!"

A hand waved in front of her face, and she blinked in surprise. She looked around and Sanosuke staring at her worriedly.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Nothing's wrong with _me_," Sanosuke said. "But I've been called your name at least seven times…Are you all right?"

_No_, she wanted to answer. But did she really have any right to say that, especially when she'd already troubled Sanosuke beyond belief? So she gave him a small smile instead and resumed eating her dinner.

"Oh, me?" she said lightly. "I'm fine, Sanosuke."

Her cousin did not look convinced. "No, you aren't."

"Yes, I am."

"You're holding your knife the wrong way," he noted as a clarifying factor.

She looked down and realized that was why she wasn't getting anywhere in her attempts to cut the meat. She flushed slightly before rearranging her utensil quickly.

"I'm just a bit out of it," she admitted.

Sanosuke could easily tell that was the case. Kaoru wasn't radiating her usual glow. Her blue eyes had a dull glaze over them. This sudden change in personality troubled him. Even if she was distressed about the marriage, at least was vocal about her unhappiness. But for the past day she'd slipped into a state of dazed silence. He had no idea what was going on in her mind and he was nervous about what actions she might take.

"Talk to me, Kaoru," he said. "What's wrong with you?"

"I told you, I'm just a bit out of it."

"Come on, Kaoru. I know that isn't the case—"

She slammed her hands down on the table in frustration, alarming the man sitting beside her. She looked at him, her eyes exasperated.

"What do you want me to say?" she demanded quietly. "I'm _tired_, Sanosuke. I'm anxious, exhausted, and most of all, I'm confused. I want to run but at the same time I know I have to stay. I miss Mother and Father and I hate myself for what I did to them. I just…want to be done."

She leaned back into the chair and threw an arm across her eyes. She suddenly felt like crying. Her heart ached and she just wanted to it all to stop. She wanted to be loved by her father and mother again, she wanted to go back to court with Sanosuke, and she wanted to become someone that was better than the person she was now.

"Sanosuke…Am I a terrible person?" she asked softly.

Sanosuke was startled. "What do you mean?"

"Tell me…What is good about me?"

"Where is this even coming from?"

"I've been thinking about it. After all of the things that I've done, and the way that I've acted my entire life, why hasn't everyone grown tired of me?"

"Kaoru, what—" Sanosuke was in a state of shock. Where was his overconfident, shining and foolish princess? How could she have changed in past six hours to become this mess?

Her next question was barely above a whisper, but Sanosuke's sharp ears heard every word. "Why does the king even want to marry me?"

Sanosuke felt all of the air leave his lungs in one fatal swoop. What kind of question was that? Especially since the question wasn't filled with its usual indigence, but rather with total helplessness. Kaoru was never interested in that before—after all, she had repeatedly told him about her lack of desire to marry the king. And now, she wanted to know _why_? What was going on with her?

Of course, Sanosuke could list off a hundred reasons why the Northern king was in love with his cousin. He heard is _every single time_ when he came to the Kamiya lands to visit. The number of times he'd caught the king just staring at her…

"All right, Kaoru, you're scaring me," he said, turning and grabbing her shoulders. "What's going on with you—"

But he stopped dead when he took a good look at her face. Her blue eyes were shining with tears and hopeless abandon.

"Kaoru—"

His hands were thrown off as she stood abruptly, twisting out of her seat and making a run for the door. But not before Kenshin opened it and almost knocked into her. He stared at her great surprise as he took in her disheveled appearance.

"Princess?" he said, his golden eyes expressing his worry.

She didn't respond. She quickly rushed past him out the door and down the deserted corridor, but not before revealing her distraught expression.  
Kenshin whirled around to face the black-haired man still sitting at the table. "What the hell is going on?" he demanded.

Sanosuke scratched the back of his head, trying to play off Kaoru's actions as nothing, although they were quite troubling. "Ah, nothing," he replied easily. "You know Kaoru, always throwing tantrums about the silliest stuff…"

Kenshin did not look convinced. "Sanosuke…"

The taller man sighed. "I can't read her mind, okay? I have no idea what that girl is thinking sometimes."

"What is she upset about?"

Sanosuke felt something snap in his head. "Oh, I don't know. Maybe because she's getting married?"

Kenshin's golden eyes narrowed. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Sanosuke sighed again, running a hand through his hair absently. "Look, you know just as well as I do that she isn't exactly _excited _about this whole arranged marriage idea. She's still dealing with some issues from back home—"

"What issues?" Kenshin said sharply.

"You'll have to ask her that," Sanosuke said honestly. He had no right to tell Kenshin what had happened just over one month ago that changed the course of Kaoru's life. That was _her _story to tell. "But she's tense about her marriage. So, can you do something to convince her?"

"Like what?"

"Just tell her some good things about the king—you know, positive stuff! Things that she can look forward to! God knows that she never listens to me anymore…"

_**One Month Ago **_

_Kaoru had always been an impulsive child. When she wanted something, she went for it, without thinking of the consequences. That was how Kaoru lived her life—free, full and in-the-moment. Of course, this lifestyle would obviously get her into trouble. There was no mistake. It was a constant worrisome factor to her parents and her cousin. But she thrived that way. And her search for "true love" was no exception._

_That was where the young Lord Takuya came rushing in. He was everything that Kaoru could hope for: dashing, handsome and so kind-hearted. Per usual, she "fell in love" with him straight away on a short visit to her Aunt Mikiko's home. Kaoru knew that she got caught in a "passionate love" quite often and that her cousin taunted her about it endlessly. But she remembered telling Sanosuke that "there was something different about him" from all the rest. She couldn't quite put her finger on what it was exactly, but it was there._

_After leaving her aunt's home, she continued to visit with him in secret. Her parents were unaware of her actions, though Sanosuke was keen to notice changes in her behavior. She usually included him in all of her secrets, but after his outburst when she first told him about Takuya, she didn't want her overprotective cousin to ruin it. He started keeping an eye on her more closely than before._

_Despite the cautious steps that she would have to take, she felt her heart grow fonder of Takuya every single passing day. His feelings seemed to be the same; if the long midnight walks he took her on, the charming and sweet words he whispered in her ears, and the proud declarations of love were any indication. He told her he wanted to be with her forever…and he proposed marriage to her parents._

_But they refused. Although Takuya was all sorts of wonderful in Kaoru's mind, he was the son of a lord who had lost most of his wealth due to his addiction to gambling and alcohol. Takuya, apparently, was following down a similar path. He was well-known among his friends for being a heavy gambler and was in deep debt because of his habits. Kaoru was the king and queen's only child; they had no intention of handing her over to a man with questionable intentions and no means to support her._

_Once her parents rejected Takuya's proposal, Kaoru remembered spending several days crying in her rooms. She did not wish to see her mother and father at all—she was furious at them for ruining her chance at true happiness. Sanosuke came to visit her, but once he started to defend her parents' decisions, she threw him out as well. And he just walked away, leaving her to wallow in her sorrow and anger alone. He would regret that moment later in his life…If only he had insisted staying by her. If he had, she wouldn't have run off to make the stupidest decision of her life._

_When several days had passed, she snuck out of the castle to the old oak tree where she and Takuya would often meet. She found him waiting for her there and ran into his arms. He told her that he couldn't live without her and he loved her more than anything in the world. She said that she needed him and loved him. She began to cry. He cradled her delicate face in his hands and told her to hush. They held each other in silence until a wild idea rose in Takuya's mind. He suddenly grabbed her shoulders and exclaimed, "Kaoru, run away with me!"_

_The proposed elopement startled her at first. But she knew that her parents would never change their minds. The only way to convince them was to take drastic measures—once she was married, her parents would have no choice but to accept her relationship to Takuya. Caught up in the passion of the moment, and faithfully believing that she would never find happiness without her "one, true love", Kaoru said yes. As usual, her impulsive nature only allowed her think about this one instant and not the consequences that would surely lay in the future._

_The rest was easy. All she had to do was meet him at the designated port and sail off with her man into their new blissful and beautiful life together. But Takuya never came. She waited all day and all night long for him to arrive—but he never did. In the end, it was Sanosuke, worried and exhausted beyond words, who found her, sobbing miserably on the dock. She cried hopelessly into her cousin's arms. Her prince wasn't here yet—Where was he? Why had he abandoned her?_

_Sanosuke called her stupid, ignorant, and selfish. "What the hell were you thinking?!" he yelled at her angrily. That was what snapped Kaoru out of her hysterical crying. Never in her life had Sanosuke shouted at her, especially in such a heated tone. She looked up at him and saw that his eyes carried an expression of severe frustration. He grasped her by the shoulders and shook her. "Kaoru! You idiot!"_

_That was the moment when Kaoru began to realize what she had done. Sanosuke took her weak and tired self home, where she was met by her mother and father. Her father stared at her in angry disappointment. What was his daughter thinking? He had loved her and given her everything in the world—and yet she had tried to run off with that good-for-nothing man! Full of resentment and fury, the king turned his back on her. Her mother looked down upon her with saddened eyes. She raised her hand, and in one forceful motion, slapped her daughter straight across the face._

_A new onslaught of tears started to fall from her eyes as she reached up to touch her stinging cheek. But it wasn't because of the separation between her and her lover or her throbbing cheek. No, it was the pain and disappointment she saw in her mother and father's eyes. They had given her everything she could ever want—their precious, precious Kaoru—and her awful behavior was all she'd given in return._

_What kind of daughter was she? What had she done?_

_Had this one drastic action—running off with a man that her parents had denied for her—lost her everything she still held dear?_

_Kaoru was confined to her chambers for the next week. Not that she had any desire to leave—she was drowning in a pit of self-loathing. How could she have fallen in love with a man that had abandoned her? How could she have pained her parents like this? She sobbed into her pillows despairingly, lonely and abandoned.  
It took about a week for her father to finally call her down. She went down to the great hall, only to find it empty of all people except for the king and queen. He stared at her from his seat in the golden throne, his eyes unreadable. Kaoru dropped her gaze, unable to meet his eyes without shame._

_When he spoke, his words cut through her like a knife. "I'm sending you to the North."_

_Kaoru snapped her head up, alarmed. "What?"_

_"I'm sending you away to marry the Northern king. He had asked for your hand over and over again. I have finally agreed to his request."_

_She felt herself starting her shake and she looked desperately at her mother. The queen seemed saddened by the decision but stood firmly beside her husband. Kaoru had expected some form of punishment but nothing quite like this…_

_"Father…I don't understand," she said, rubbing her hands anxiously. "Why…?"_

_"Because of what you've done!" the king said sharply. "Your reckless actions put you into this position, Kaoru!"_

_"But, Father!" she exclaimed. "To force me to marry the Northern king as punishment—"_

_"This is not your punishment, Kaoru!" the king interjected hastily. "Do you know the shame that could be brought onto the family? If news got out that the princess tried to elope…" He shook his head. "The only way to salvage your honor is to have you marry. It is the only way to ensure your mother and I that you will not engage in such a foolish manner again!"_

_"Then, send me away!" Kaoru said desperately. "Or keep me here in the palace! Please, Father… Don't force me to marry the king!"_

_"If we were to send you away," her mother said quietly, "people would be inclined to think that you are pregnant with his child."_

_Kaoru blanched noticeably. "Mother, I assure you, I am not—"_

_"Whatever the case," her father said. "We want to avoid that kind of talk. And to keep you here in the palace would still make us uneasy. The king has wanted to marry you for years. This is good opportunity to accept his offer. With this marriage, your eligibility is taken away, and you will remain safe."_

_All the images and rumors surrounding the mysterious Northern king filled Kaoru's mind in an instant. She'd heard that he was cold and cruel, heartless and fearsome, and ruled over his nation with an iron fist. Wouldn't those traits be projected onto her? All he wanted to do was marry her—he didn't love her! She was sure that it must only be lust or a political desire for power. She started to tremble in fear. She was scared. She was scared, so very scared…_

_The king got to his feet. "There is nothing left to discuss. The Northern king will arrive to pick you up in a few weeks time. Until then, you should—"_

_In a desperate attempt to save herself, Kaoru rushed forward. She fell to her knees before the king and grabbed the hem of his robes, her eyes shining with tears.  
_

_"Forgive me, Father!" she cried. "Please Father! Forgive me!"_

_The look that he gave her was full of desolation and pain. "Kaoru…"_

_"Please Father, I'm begging you! Don't send me away to marry the king! Please!" The tears were flowing freely now. "I can't do it, Father! I…I…"_

_"It's already been agreed upon, Kaoru," the king said softly. "Nothing more can be done."_

_And he turned away, walking out of the room, leaving his daughter crying on the cold stone floor._

_Is everyone abandoning me? She thought helplessly. Does no one want me?_

_She felt a gentle hand on her back and looked up to see her mother kneeling beside her. Kaoru grabbed the queen's arm in desperation. "Please, Mother," she pleaded. "Don't send me away!"_

_"This decision is for your own good, Kaoru," the queen said. "After what you've just done…Your father and I can't…trust you anymore."_

_The words stung, but she still tried to plead her case. "Even so, Mother…" Kaoru said. "I've never met the Northern king…I don't love him! I can't simply…"_

_"If you can forsake your parents' wishes and run off with a man, I'm sure that you can put up with this," her mother said curtly. "The Northern king will take good care of you."_

_She shook her head violently. "No, no! I can't! I won't! I—"_

_"Kamiya Kaoru," her mother said in a cold tone. We've given you everything—and the one time we deny your wishes, you fill with such self-importance that you decided that we were wrong and that you must have your way! Now look where you are!"_

_Kaoru looked down at herself. She was crying on the ground of the throne room, feeling worse that she'd ever left in her entire life._

_"Therefore, you will accept the king's marriage proposal with honor and grace. Don't disgrace your family even further for the sake of your pride."_

_Her mother stood as the door behind them slowly opened. The queen looked around and released a small sigh. "Come in, Sanosuke," she said. "Please watch over her for a bit. There are some matters that I must take care of."_

_"Yes, Aunt," Sanosuke's familiar gruff voice said._

_Kaoru heard a set of footsteps approach her as another left her side. She continued to stare at the ground, her eyes still wet from her cascade of tears. Her entire body felt numb and her mind was disoriented._

_"You're really stupid, you know that?" Sanosuke told her casually._

_Despite her distress, she could still feel a flicker of stubborn anger. She turned and faced him in annoyance. Her cousin was sitting cross-legged beside her, his face propped up in the palm of his hand. The expression he wore was one of complete exhaustion._

_"You can only blame yourself," he said. "You never think about the consequences of your actions and you end up here, sobbing on the floor, getting shipped off to marry a man you've never met."_

_She knew that his words were true, but she'd already heard it multiple times in various forms from her mother and father. She had no desire to hear it again. So she shot her cousin a small glare through her red, puffy eyes._

_"Leave me alone, Sanosuke," she muttered, lamely waving her hand at him._

_"Hell no," Sanosuke said. "I leave you alone for one night and look at what you do—You try to elope!" He shook his head. Then he gave her a look of concern. "And now I'm worried that you might do something drastic to get out this marriage…Like jumping off of your balcony."_

_"I wouldn't do that!" she snapped, though the idea did seem slightly enticing at the moment…_

_"But you'll abandon your family expectations to elope with a man that left you alone at the dock?" He sighed. "I honestly can't believe you actually did that. Especially with that idiot."_

_"…I loved him," Kaoru said softly._

_Sanosuke rolled his eyes. "You fall in love at least once every month!"_

_"I thought that he was different," she said._

_"Those guys are all the same, Kaoru! They only think about the prestige and riches that come with marrying the princess!"_

_"I thought that he loved me too," she said before a sob caught in her throat. She buried her face in her hands as her shoulders started to shake._

_Damn, she was crying again. Sanosuke ran a hand through his hair. "Look, Kaoru. You made a stupid mistake. Now you have to face the repercussions. Do you understand that?"_

_She nodded slightly._

_"I know that you hate the idea of marrying without love, but the king will be good for you. He can give your stability and safety. And he's totally in love with you."  
Kaoru gave her cousin a sidelong glance. "Why would he? Doesn't he know what I've done?"_

_"He doesn't know anything," Sanosuke told her firmly. "And he'll never find out, as long as you keep your mouth shut. That's why you have the chance to start over again. Take it. If you stay here, you'll never be able to escape from your scandal and it'll spread like wildfire in court. You'll always be thinking 'what if'. So, for your own sake, marry the Northern king."_

_Everything Sanosuke was saying made complete sense. But she still had her concerns and these made her protest against the idea of marriage._

_"I won't be happy," she said through small sniffles._

_"You can be if you try," he countered easily._

_"I won't know anyone there. I'll be all alone."_

_"You can make friends."_

_"In the North there isn't any-l"_

_"You'll survive."_

_"What if the king is terrible to me?"_

_"No way!" Sanosuke scoffed. "Kaoru, I'm serious: The king is hopelessly in love with you."_

_Kaoru could tell that her cousin's statement was sincere. Yet there was one thing that lingered heavily in her mind and tugged continuously at her heart. "But Sanosuke…" she whispered desolately, "I don't love him."_

_Sanosuke gazed at the princess for several long moments. He knew that this fact was tearing her up inside, just as much as the perpetual self-loathing. He attempted to think of something to say that would console her…but nothing helpful could come to mind. Finally, he sighed and scratched the back of his head. _

"_Sorry, Princess," he said with an apologetic smile. "I can't do anything about that."_

Sanosuke spoke a dismal truth. There was nothing that he could do about Kaoru's lack of affection for her future husband. But as she sat in the old piano room, absently pressing down on random keys, she realized that the 'love' issue wasn't her greatest concern at the moment. While it was obvious that Kaoru didn't love the king, it was becoming less and less apparent as to why the king would ever love her.

The unpredictable way that she fell in and out of love, the way she could so easily hurt others for her own sake, and the way that she never thought about consequences… What was likeable about that? Sure, the king may be unaware of her failed attempt at elopement, but that didn't change the fact that she had _tried. _Although her parents believed that she would be safe from acting so irresponsibly by being separated from her home, that didn't change her personality.  
She was carelessly impulsive. What if, once she was married to the Northern king, she found another princely, charming and handsome man? What if, he too, whispered sweet words in her ears and she got caught up in a seemingly passionate affair? What if, even after what happened last time, she could not ignore her impetuous nature, decided it was "true love" and wanted to run off? Who was to say that her guilt and responsibility would be able to stop her from acting recklessly again?

She was scared that if that happened, she wouldn't be able to stop her heart. She knew that she was not weak-willed and had a strong sense of dignity, but if she was unhappy in the North…and she followed her unconventional love practices…Could she really resist the temptation?  
Again, she would end up hurting her parents, disappointing Sanosuke, and perhaps the worst… Heartlessly casting aside a king who apparently truly and deeply loved her.

She didn't know what to do. As she thought about it more and more, she felt a stronger feeling of self-loathing rise in her chest. Why was she this way? Why was she a girl with such unrealistic hopes and reckless actions?

"Princess?" she heard a soft voice come from behind her.

Looking over her shoulder sulkily, she saw Kenshin standing in the doorway. Usually in the presence of unfamiliar company, she would at least attempt to act formal. But at the moment, she still felt so depressed that she remained in her slumped position. "Hello, Lord Kenshin," she said dully. "Is there something you need?"

"No…But after the way that you rushed out of the dining hall…" Kenshin said. "Princess, are you all right?"

"Me?" she said, her back still to the door. She played another key, releasing a broken sound. "Oh, I'm just fine."

"Your reaction earlier seems to say otherwise, Princess," Kenshin noted calmly.

She didn't reply, but continued playing random keys.

"Sanosuke said that you were quite upset over something—"

"Sano's an idiot," she snapped scathingly, catching Kenshin by surprise.

She heard Kenshin breathe out. "Please, Princess…If there is anything I can do to help you feel better…The king would be most displeased if you arrived in the Northern kingdom in such a disconcerted state."

There was nothing really anyone could say that would make her feel better. Honestly, she just wanted to wallow in her terrible life decisions, self-loathing and disappointment. She didn't want any pity; she just wanted to rant and lash out about her unfortunate predicaments. Above all, she wanted to know why the king was in love with her. Didn't he know all of her horrid flaws?

Then a thought struck her. Kenshin was here and by the information he knew about her, she was certain that he was the king's right hand man. Before everyone else, Kenshin should know why.

Kaoru suddenly whipped around and faced the man still standing in the doorway. "Lord Kenshin, you know the king very well, don't you?"  
Kenshin looked surprised at the question, but he nodded nonetheless. "I am with him wherever he goes."

"Excellent," she said, with slight eagerness. "Then can you please elaborate on something for me?"

The redheaded man nodded again. "Of course, Princess."

Her eyes were determined and she erased all elements of embarrassment. "Why does the king want to marry me?"

There was a heavy silence between the two of them for several long seconds. Kenshin blinked at her but Kaoru kept her expression firm.

"Pardon?"

Kaoru tapped her foot with impatience. "Could you please tell me _why_ the king has been so insistent on marrying me for so many years?"  
"Princess, if this is about the king knowing so much about you…"

"No!" Kaoru said quickly. To be honest, she wasn't bothered by that fact anymore. She just wanted to know why out of the things he knew about her, which were the ones that made him love her? She tried to find a quality herself, but ended up coming up with nothing substantial… "I just…want to know. Please, Lord Kenshin. Perhaps you can enlighten me?"

Kenshin shifted uncomfortably. "To divulge the king's personal feelings…especially to the object of his affection…"

The horrid thought hit her before she could stop it. _There's nothing about you that he likes. _

That's why Kenshin was hesitating. The past several times she'd asked him about the king, Kenshin had willingly told her. But now, in the moment that she most wanted to hear about king's affection towards her, his mouth clamped shut.

After hearing the blue flower story from Tae, she had faintly come to believe that the king really did treasure her. The "love at first sight" theme of the story struck her—mostly because she'd fallen victim to it quite often. Yet it seemed that the king favored an aspect of her physical beauty in those moments when he first seen her, and not anything to do with her personality. It was because the king didn't know what she could she really be like…

Sure, the king knew she played the piano and she usually wore a sunny disposition… But the secrets she held and the behavior she displayed… Could she really blame him for the lack of reasons to love her?

**Author's Note:**

Obviously Kenshin is the king, LOL.

But anyway. Thank you so much for supporting this story until now. You are all amazing!

-Aya


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